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Undead Follies Chapter 2
Story by Koss_Knights.
With 20 fully trained Paladins circling the two Undead heroes, their demise is almost guaranteed. The wind whistles in the cold night, and owls hoot mournfully, the only observers of the dark ones deaths. The two hapless heroes are trapped, with no way out at all. The Paladins don’t show any expression, yet you can see the look of triumph in their eyes. Their very being squeals with glee, as they are about to rid the world of 2 evil beings…
Paladin 1: The end has come, death knight! It’s over! Your reign of madness and chaos ends tonight!
Death Knight: What the hell are you talking about? I’ve only been a death knight for a day, and you have never chased me anywhere. So, therefore I can’t possibly leave a trail! Don’t forget my “reign” of chaos only started when I came along with this moron, and as you can see, he didn’t do very well.
Paladin 1: I can’t believe you used to be a paladin…why did you turn toward the darkness?
Death Knight: Well, it all started when I began my first patrol route in a small village…the citizens waved at me, and sometimes one of them engaged me in a friendly conversation. As I was finishing my first patrol, I came across a child…the bastard!
Paladin 2: What happened?
Death Knight: He threw a rock at me. I looked at him, and all he did was laugh. Then all his little friends joined in…and…sob, that’s not even the worst part! They started pointing at me, and started chanting "go build a church we don’t need you!"
Paladin 9: ...I like building churches...
Paladin 2: …then what did you do?
Death Knight: I slayed them all! Little Jimmy went first…I ripped his lungs out…then the rest of the insolent children were killed as well. I then began purging the entire village, because people were giving my funny looks! It’s not my fault my hammer and armor was splayed with blood and bone fragments! So what if I was carrying one of the child’s head ? They shouldn’t have looked…no, they shouldn’t have looked, sob!
The Death Knight starts sobbing uncontrollably, and hides his face.
Death Knight: Don’t look at me! Sob! Don’t look!
Paladin 2: …This guy has some very serious issues…
Paladin 1: He killed them all because a child threw a rock at him…?
Paladin 3: Poor, twisted demented freak; we better put him out of his misery.
Dreadlord: No you will not! I won’t let you kill my cohort! You’ll have to go through me first!
Paladin 1: You and what army?
Dreadlord: This army! INFERNAL!
Just then, a dark shadowy figure pops out of a nearby bush and says:
Necromancer: More mana is required!
Dreadlord: What the—hey! Get over here and help me!
Necromancer: Yeah whatever. They only pay me to announce things, not to fight. Good luck though, I’ll be rooting for you silently in a nearby bush!
And with that the necromancer disappears without a single trace…
Paladin 4: Should we go after him?
Paladin 5: No, he left a trail a blind man could see. He’s dragging his robe across a field of mud and whistling loudly…we’ll get him later.
Dreadlord: Fools! While I can’t summon a mighty infernal, I can still use my primary weapon—my claws! Dreadlords nails are capable of tearing through any substance!
Before anyone could see it coming, the Dreadlord swiftly moves in action. He sneaks up behind a paladin and strikes with his mighty unholy nails!
Dreadlord: Oww! Damn it, I broke a nail!
Paladin 3: Ok, now I’m getting bored. We’ve got to end their torment quickly, before we’re forced to undergo another one of the dreadlords horrifying attacks.
The Paladins pause a while and…
All Paladins, in unison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Much to everyone’s surprise, the death knight recovers from his sobbing. He wipes a tear from his eyes and says:
Death Knight: Even unholy beings with every intent on causing corruption and chaos while killing everything in their path and laughing hysterically at the unnatural screams their victims cry out when they beg for their lives as their livers are torn out from their knee…have a heart. A black, rotten heart, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings!
Paladin 5: We better take care of the dreadlord first…he seems a bit less psychotic.
All 20 paladins turn their attention to the dreadlord and start raising their hammers…
Dreadlord: Ha! How can you cast Holy Light if you’re all sleeping? Now! Sleep…
The dreadlord waves his arms at each and everyone of them, then…
Dreadlord: …..zzzzzzzzz…..snore….
Paladin 8: …he put himself to sleep…that’s kind of sad…
Death Knight: You’re looking at the idiot who summoned an Infernal on top of himself. What did you expect from him?
All Paladins once again raise their hammers and open their books. They prepare to use a mass Holy Light on the dreadlord.
All Paladins: HOLY LIGHT!
Night turns into day as 20 simultaneous holy lights hit the dreadlord. A great flash of light, brighter than the sun itself, temporarily blinds everyone. When the artificial daylight succumbs to the darkness of night, everyone looks at the dreadlord and to their surprise!
Dreadlord: …what was that?
Paladin 4: ….we didn’t kill him? That’s impossible! You can fry a seal with one holy light so…uh…oops.
All Paladins look at Paladin 4.
Paladin 1: How would you know that one can fry a seal? …I hope you didn’t try it…
Paladin 4: Uh, no. I never did that…yeah, never did. I was holding that seal corpse…for…a friend, yeah that’s right, my friend. Eh, heh.
Paladin 2: I don’t believe you.
Paladin 4: Oh look! A three headed ghoul! Gotta go!
With that said, the paladin makes haste, away from all the others. Just then, a knight pops out of a nearby tree, falls 10 feet down with his horse, lands on his head, gets up and says:
Knight: Our allies’ hero has hallucinated!
Paladin 3: What the hell kind of a report was that?
Knight: Oh, go jump off a cliff you old fart. So this is the appreciation I get after years of saying things like, “Our allies town is under siege!” , and “Our hero has fallen!” Well you can go straight to hell! Next time you’ll want to know how many farms you need to build I’ll tell you to shove off! Yeah that’s right! “Build more farms and shove them straight up your—“
Paladin 3: Yes, I get the picture. Why don’t you make yourself useful and hunt down the necromancer?
Knight: My warhorse is tired. I cannot go anywhere.
Paladin 4: It fell out of a tree…it looks dead to me.
Knight, dragging his horse into a nearby tree: Oh, that’s rich! Ha, my horse is just fine! Nothing like a good coma to lift your morale up, eh Betsy?
The Knight gallops away…except the horse is on his back since it’s in a deep coma…
Paladin: Now, where were we? Hey!
Death Knight: Ha! That minor distraction provided me with ample time to do this!
The Death Knight procures a small silver ball and drops it on the ground. A large puff of thick, gray smoke emits from the object.
Death Knight: Mwahahaha! That smoke bomb is so evil , you’ll never find me in it’s thick smoke! I’ll be gone by the time…it…oh crap.
Alas, the smoke bomb was the cheap kind, and only lasted about 10 seconds…leaving the death knight rooted to the same spot he dropped the bomb. But wait a minute! The dancing infernal is back! Intrigued by the bright flash of 20 holy lights previously cast on its master it has now returned, looking furious to find paladins circling its creator!
Paladin 10: …this doesn’t look good.
Will the magic immune infernal defeat the dastardly paladins? Will the Death Knight finally be able to escape with his Dreadlord cohort? And what has become of the stunned, yet still alive (well, alive in the undead sense) dreadlord, who continues to look only mildly injured, even though he was hit with 20 holy lights? Find out the answers to all these questions in the next chapter of Undead Follies.
Dreadlord: …Pretty lights…
Death Knight: Whatca talkin ‘bout Dreadlord!